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I understand your anger and frustrations. It is the stigma around mental illness (including drug addiction) that is the problem. People don’t want to ask, firstly because they don’t know what to say and secondarily because they don’t want to upset the person affected. So nothing gets said. Then there is the other side to the coin, where the families affected don’t want to relive their troubles and sadness, they shut off from it for their own survival, and possibly go into denial.
I know with our family there was also a lot of shame around Brad’s behaviours related to his drug addiction; the houses he broke into, the things he stole, the people he hurt, his jail sentences, his self-destruction and the constant efforts to help him to no avail. It made us feel like failures and his behaviours hurt us time and time again. These were difficult things to talk about, especially to strangers who didn’t understand that Brad came from a good home, that he wasn’t abused, that their was little in his childhood that would have predisposed him to seek out drugs as a way to cope with his troubles. It is funny really, because if someone has a troubled upbringing, it is more acceptable to us that they use drugs – it helps us understand their behaviour and can excuse it, to a degree. I felt sometimes that others looked sideways at our family, when they didn’t know the situation and history. In the absence of a troubled background, we believed that Brad used drugs because he wanted to, but did he really want to? No, it was a way he could escape his adulthood traumas and deal with his pain and guilt. Given the choice, I am certain he would have chosen a different lifestyle – but that is the hold that drugs can have on a person. The only thing stigma succeeds at is isolating and ostracizing families.
I agree that the only way to break down this stigma is to talk openly about it and not blame, but it is not easy. I found that when John was diagnoses with Schizophrenia, it was only through the Schizophrenia Fellowship that I came to terms with his illness, that I understood that I was not alone in my grief and dispair. This mutual support was an important part of my survival and healing. I was extremely passionate about teaching people about schizophrenia and the impact it had on families and I started with the younger group, doing talks to Year 11 psychology students learning about Abnormal Psychology. I enjoyed this work as it was my outlet. Education is certainly the key to breaking down stigma.
How we socialize our children is different for boys and girls. In our family, you will recall the way ‘all the girls’ in the family would gather, talk and work through our emotions and problems. That wasn’t available for Brad or any of the males in our family. Boys were taught to bite their tongue, to drink their problems away, don’t show emotions, don’t cry, to ‘be a man’, to protect their women, and to be our saviors. At work, I get so many males in their adolescence and early adulthood who have attempted suicide because they just don’t know how to deal with the emotions that arise from broken relationships, peer pressure, job losses, or family problems. Men are at a loss with what to do with these intense, yet normal, emotions. It is so sad and I see this all the time. This is something that we can definitely change in the new male generations to come.
I guess too, Deb, with you living in Malaysia that you have gained insight into another way communities behave and it is understandable that you are angry about the way that the Australian society treats people with drug addiction. From my understanding, and correct me if I am wrong, you are living in a collective community, where extended families typically work together to solve problems and many things – like drugs - aren’t tolerated. Here is Australia, there is the pulling together when the shit hits the fan, but it is different – a more individualistic perspective. This joining of friends and families mainly only happens when things are at a crisis point (like when someone is dying or dead) not along the way for struggling people or families. This is a shame, but it can be different – you are right there.
The government and society are learning and things are slowly changing in Australia. For example, bringing in Medicare rebates for psychologists is a good move, utilizing a work force that is quite capable of treating people with mental illnesses and taking the load off GPs and psychiatrists, making services more accessible to those in MOST need. Also, that arbitrary line between mental and physical illness is diminishing (such a stupid line I believe, as all illnesses are part of the one body!). Alzheimer’s used to be a mental disorder before its’ biological basis was found. Depression is more recognized now by the medical community and is being identified much earlier. This has all been the result of lobbying to reduce the stigma of depression by educating the community. So things are slowly changing. Further change is needed, however, in the way that drugs of dependance are prescribed - especially to those with a known drug or alcohol addiction.
Where do you stop with all this? It would mean a political and cultural overall. Would supporting the unemployed, single parents, people with disabilities, people injured at work make families responsible for their members? Would this work? Who knows. Did it work in our Australian past before the government activated their safety net? What affect did it have on the families back then? Would it make crime rates higher now? Would suicide rates increase? Possibly. What about legalizing drugs, would the need to steal to get them reduce? What if we didn’t tolerate drugs and made penalties harsher? Would that help? Does it stop drug addiction in other countries? No. What I do know is that punishing people with a mental illness is not the answer. Getting them the help they need, no matter where it comes from, is a start. Teaching them the survival skills they need to get through this sometimes harsh and trying life is a good first step. This certainly has opened up a can of words.
For anyone interested, please feel free to post your comments on what we can possibly do to help the sad drug situation in Australia.
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