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Nov 23 2009 04:42 am
You did well too mum. I know how much pain you were in and how unwell you felt. I'm hoping you are feeling better soon. You all looked lovely and it was a fantastic weekend. Thanks everyone JA xx
Nov 17 2009 12:36 pm
Brad would have been so proud to see you looking so lovely Lize. He was there, maybe he was the kookaburra up the the tree just to your left. Just sat there for a while. The wedding was so nice, the words of love you said to each other were well chosen. I think you surprised a few people. Haven't had much of a look at the photos yet. I can't wait to get the flm I found in my old sill camp. Julie-Anne you looked beautifual the colour really suited you, maybe you might need to get out of black and wear more colourfull clothes.
so proud of both of you girls, you did well both of you. love mum xxx
Nov 6 2009 10:59 am
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Nov 3 2009 11:37 am
Hi All,
Well have been on Brad's site heaps the last few months but haven't had the strength to write anything lately. The closer I get to the wedding, the harder it is to imagine Brad not being there. Knowing Brad, he might not have been able to make it anyway... he may have been on a holiday in the 'big house', ha ha, but he would have been thinking about my wedding day and i would have been able to send him pics and visit him and tell him all about it. How am I going to be strong on the day? How? I think of loved ones that are not going to be there and it breaks my heart! Shatters it. Deb was looking forward to the wedding so much and it was going to be her big day too, she had a goal to be walking for the wedding and we spoke a few times on the phone about how excited she was. She always said that she loved Rob and that we were a perfect couple. I said to mum the other night, that after the wedding, i want to sit down with a slide show and some music and have some Debbie time. I feel guilty for being so absorbed in the wedding and i feel that i haven't given her the greiving time that she so deserves. When I think of her and others that have passed, I have to think of something else. I so scared to let my gaurd down, coz once I do, that's it... it will be a tear filled tidal wave.
I'm thinking of you lots at the moment gaile, your mum would have loved to come to the wedding and I can imagine her having a laugh and a giggle at your excitement of being the driver for the wedding. I'm so pleased you said yes and that you can be a part of the day. It's seems to be few months to a year after a loved one passes away, that it sinks in that we will not be seeing them again. That is the most gut renching moment. Thinking of you and love ya to bits. If you need to chat, call any time.
Love you all, Eliza xx
Oct 20 2009 07:29 am
Yeah, I'm angry with you Brad. You should be here for your sister's wedding and helping out. I wish so much that you were and am angry that you're not. Julie-Anne xx
Oct 10 2009 09:39 pm
Miss you so much at the moment Brad, i hope you and Mum are together and have Deb and others with you too.
I miss you and i hope you hear me when i talk or yell at you....
Love you lots
Gayle xxxx
Oct 8 2009 11:34 pm
just aquick hello to everyone,hope everythings going well ok this end.gordon
Sep 3 2009 01:00 am
happy birthday mate,gordy
Sep 2 2009 06:36 pm
Happy Birthday Brad. You would have been 37 years old today. Miss you heaps xx
Aug 27 2009 01:15 am
hello to all,firstly to Lize very best wishes for your bday xox,how old ha ha ha crazy isnt it how another year slides by.Im sure the next couple of years will be tons happier(fingers crossed)take care everyone gordy
Aug 9 2009 10:58 am
Dear all,
I'm feeling very sad atm and find myself crying whenever I think about Brad. We had Eliza's 30th last night and had a great night (I'm yet to hear how they all pulled up after their big night!). It is just not the same with him gone, I feel as if part of me is missing. I know he would have loved to have been there with us partying up and would be so proud of his little sister being 30 years old. I can picture him with his big cheezy grin! It's just so sad that he wasn't and these thing are memories now. I know these feelings are normal, I've just got to ride the waves for a while. Julie-Anne xx
Jul 20 2009 07:01 pm
Hi Mum,
such a shame you lost what you wrote previously. I remember dozing off when I used to do nightshift. I had 2000 odd e's typed into someone's sleep study. Funny but I don't think I got into trouble for that one!! They would have analysed it the next day and seen it for sure!!
As for Brad, I reckon he's been travelling again, and can be found anywhere along the murray. I'll email you the password but take a look at the arial shots of the murray that I took from the plane. I take comfort in knowing that he's "out" there somewhere where the murray flows. I always feel drawn to it for this reason I think.
Anyway, time for coffee. Take Care everyone, Julie-Anne xx
Jul 20 2009 02:57 am
It's 3.40am. Can't even think about sleeping. I haven't added anything to this for a long while. I just typed out a note for here, dozed off and it had gone. So here I am again.
Eliza Rob Bill and I went up to the Murray at Yarrawonga/Mulwala where we came each year and where we scatted Brad's ashes. I hadn't said anything to Lize about what I was thinking.The lake hss been emptied to try to get rid of the blue green algie so there are lots of places where there is no water. here are hundreds, no thousands of trees either standing upright or lying low where they would normally be covered in water. It's a wonder you can get a boat out at all. It was amazing to see, we have heaps of photos. It had crossed my mind that with the water gone, Brad wasn't there any more. Well I know that is a pretty illogical way to think, so never said anything. Then as we were driving a round Lize said she didn't think Brad was there. It was kind of spooky. I will have to leave the typing of my previous note as I'm dozing again and then look and I've done 150 "s" or "J" when I haven't taken my finger off when dozing. Take care everyone, Barb
Jul 19 2009 12:58 pm
Hey Brad. Miss you heaps, tomorrow is your 3rd year anniversary. I can't believe how time passes so quickly. You are always in my thoughts. Julie-Anne xx
Jun 30 2009 05:06 pm
Hey Gayle, I left a post for you on your mum's page ("In Good Company"). Thinking of you xx
Jun 30 2009 04:57 pm
Thanks Eliza, it was a very sad time for all. I'm glad you feel comfortable writting down your feelings. It does help. Everyone expresses themselves in different ways, there is no 'right' way to do it. Some people, write journals or poetry, others paint, others make up songs and sing them. Some, like myself, spend time on websites like this as a way to deal with things - trying to make something good out of something bad. Others prefer to do nothing and that's their choice too. I had to alter your last entry a little to remove some names, hope you don't mind. Love you sis, Julie-Anne xx
Jun 30 2009 05:02 pm
Hi, Julie-anne, Gaile and Gordy,
Well, where do I start. Firstly, good to see here from you Gordy, nice to have your support and know that you are thinking of us all. Yes a lemonade or two is much needed, perhaps with a shot of vodka thanks!
What a terrible month... 3 deaths in 4 weeks!. Aunty Deb passed away on 14/6/2009.
Debbie's funeral service in N.Z is on right now our time. Just looked at some photo's that mum and I scanned onto the computer for the service in oz on Sunday. We stayed up til 1am last night. Can't believe that another great person has been taken away from us. Even though she was sick, I was holding on so strongly that she would pull through. After her accident and then the cancer, she took everything on the chin and her poor body had gone through so so much. Thankfully, she went peacefully and had her children with her in her final days. Wish she had have been in oz though. Kind of doesn't feel real with her not to have been here and to have said goodbye to her. She was witty with a great sense of humour and loved to joke around and play tricks on people. I remember fondly when she was living in oz when i was younger and she came over to mums laughing hysterically because she was at a set of traffic lights in her car, singing at the top of her voice to the Body Gaurd Movie song 'I will always love you' by Whitney Houston (back then it was a real hit!). Then she looked over and there was a bloke in the car beside her laughing. She said she was so embarrassed. And for her to get embarrassed thats saying something. I also remember her hanging shit on me one night when i was about 14 because my school teacher's name was Mrs. Griffiths and I couldn't say it. (As a matter of fact I still cant say Griffith). We have that night on video and I will have to find it and watch it. It was so funny. We are still trying to get over the loss of D[...]and now Aunty Deb so soon after.
Through all of these tradigies, it has made me realise how #%&@ing good our family is and our good friends. Our family sticks together and the support that we give each other is remarkable. Debbie's service will be comming to a close now over in N.Z and i feel so much better knowing that I have spent this time thinking about her and her witty ways. Hopefully having the service on Sunday for Deb at Aunty Elise's will give us some closure and I hope that everyone stays safe and we have no more bad news for a very long time. 3 funerals in a month is heart breaking and no words can describe that loss.
I definately feel better with writting all this down, I have been anxious, as i said a while back. Getting worse now with all that has happened. I was telling Julie-Anne at work yesterday that I had a panic attack at the top of the escalator's at work yesterday morning. I hate them anyway but it was the worst feeling so terrified (and a little embarrassing, i must say). Funny how your body reacts to things when you are stressed and anxious. On a funny note, I told Rob about it when he called yesterday and him and his apprentice found it hilarious that i was scared of an escalator!! So supportive ha ha.
Thanks for setting this site you Jules, so nice to be able to come here and off load. Love working with you and miss catching up with you in the morning before work when you were picking me up when I had no car.
Well, I'll spend some more time looking at Deb's pics and reflecting. Her service will probably be over now. Rest peacefully Aunty Deb, give Brad a hug for us and tell Brad and D[...]to stop terrorising the angels up there!! It breaks my heart that you and many others will not be at my wedding but I know that you will be there in spirit and Brad will be holding my hand and giving me the strength to walk down the aisle. Luv Eliza xx
May 28 2009 03:51 am
too much overtime,up late i seem to be very drawn to this site again lately.I spent some time reading through all the old posts before and came to realise how many different ways people understand,process,cope,deal with or learn to live with loss.xox gordy
May 22 2009 04:17 am
hello all,i see some things in these posts that i would like to think is good advise i can forward to you julie-anne,lize you know you girls bring back a lot of nice thoughts for me at a lot of different times maybe a song or a moment,just good thoughts,yeah xmas drinks slid by julie-anne but hopefully before santa comes again we can have a lemonade or 2,10 old times good times.i shall ring you ladies in the next week to organise something.Advise to you Julie-anne and Eliza only in person personal experience,Gayle hope your days are getting abit easier for you and im sure your mums got a keen eye on you like i did in high school and her and Brad would be living it up no worries, always in my thoughts.lifes too good to stress.xox gordy
Apr 26 2009 04:50 pm
Hi Everyone,
I don't know what happened! I usually get emails to tell me that someone has posted a comment on Brad's site but I think I must have had it going to an email address that we disconnected recently. Ooops! Will have to correct that or check the site more often. Well it has been really tough at home. Had Amy going through a really hard time adjusting to the step family situation but she seems settled now. Seeing her so distressed broke my heart and reminded me so much of her dad and Brad. I have gone to get some counselling to have a space to talk and get things off my chest. Also to deal with a few ghosts from the past. Considering I listen all day to everyone else's problems, it is important for me to have somewhere to go to and find that balance and peace of mind. Other than that, Eliza is banned from using scissors in the office, has found a lovely dress to wear on her Wedding day in Nov and has been a real assett to my business...such an efficient secretary...sometimes too efficient at cutting through the phone, fax, internet & eftpos cables with the scissors! It was funny but I am serious about banning her from using them again. Take care all and sorry for my absence, Julie-Anne. P.S. that poem is lovely Lize xx
Apr 1 2009 08:09 pm
Eliza,
If you ever need to talk you know where to find me. Thinking of you chooky.
Gayle xx
Apr 1 2009 08:08 pm
Thanks Gordy,
I am ok at the moment, I miss Mum so much and I feel really alone sometimes. It means a lot that you have been thinking about me.
Have to keep my chin up, its what Mum would have wanted and I know her and Brad will have met up, they are probably giving each other shit as we speak.
Take care Gordy and thanks again.
Gayle xx
Mar 30 2009 12:40 pm
This is the one I was looking for, there is also one call YOU that is nice too.
LOVE ME JUST A LITTLE:
It’s better to love a little,
Forever and a day,
Than to love a love much stronger
That will soon fade away.
For a fading love will soon pass by,
as others love has done,
But a steady love will come each day
To rise like the shinning sun.
So love me steady and love me strong,
And always be close by,
For I need you and I’ll love you,
Until the day I die…
Nice looking at Brad's poetry and reading his words. 4 months til his 3rd ann, gosh it goes so fast.
Eliza xo
Mar 30 2009 12:04 pm
Hi all,
Home today, my back is killing me coz i fell over, so gracefully of course, NOT!! I have a heat pack on my back and it feels a bit better.
I am on Brad's site today to have a look at his poems to see if I can find something that we can include in our wedding. I think a while ago when I looked there was one about love so i'll try to find it again.
Been anxious and worrying a bit lately. Lots going on and thinking lots about Brad, Pauline and Aunty Deb. Really hope that she can pull through and bet the cancer. All fingers and toes are crossed for her.
All my luv,
Eliza xx
Mar 19 2009 12:34 am
hello all havent been here for a while,just posting thoughts and very deepest sympathies for you gayle,hope your ok mate.gordy.
Feb 6 2009 06:33 pm
Hi Brad,
I miss you today and Mum. I hope you have found each other and are catching. Please look after her for me.
Love Gayle xx
Jan 1 2009 08:10 am
Hi Gordy, I guess pre-Xmas drinks slid by. We should organise a drink at the Hallam one night. Hope you have a happy new year and stop drinking during the week LOL, Julie-Anne
Jan 1 2009 08:06 am
I'd like to say to Gayle and her family that I'm so saddened by your mum's death on Monday. It was sudden and a shock, even though we knew she had been sick. I guess we still had hope that she would get better. Still doesn't take away the pain and saddness though. I'm just thankful that you had the chance to get close to your mum during her illness. Any mother would love to have a daughter like you and you put the rest of us to shame! I know my mum and dad are devestated by the news.
Aunty Pauline was always around when we were younger, we really did spend so much time around at your place, when I think about it. With the 'dads' drinking in the shed and working on cars, we were able to have some freedom and muck up a little. We had lots of fun times together - but your mum was always there and will be sadly missed by all. I really hope Paul doesn't go off track again and get stuck into the drugs. You have all had to deal with so much over the years. We are all here for you Gayle, always, never forget that. I will add your mum to the rememberance page. I can give you the details to add some pages for info on her life with photos etc if you want to be able to 'connect' with her. Lots of love, Julie-Anne and family xx
Dec 4 2008 02:12 am
hello to all especially julie-anne,eliza,gayle if you guys are wondering why im up dont exactly know,had a jimmy which is the fave but dont normally do during the week due to work shift commitments,had a look at me old bro and thought i best let you guys know that the new album rocks.If it is cool id really love to catch up for pre xmas sip with you ladies,anyhow if not take care all always in my thoughts lol gordon xox
Nov 25 2008 05:49 pm
Really! Is the album out already??? I am going to have to get it if it is out. Thanks for visiting the site. Julie-Anne
Nov 24 2008 07:53 am
Heard the new GnR album on the weekend and just wish Brad was around to hear it. Reminds me of him <3.
Nice site Julie-anne.
Oct 15 2008 11:40 am
Missing you heaps Brad. Must get down to Bunurrong and visit soon. Need some down time without kids. I've been listening to lots of Guns 'n' Roses lately. Cant wait to hear Axel's new album Chinese Domocracy. I remember when you were over for spaggetti one night and we were madly looking up on the internet about what happened to the band. We knew this album was in the making then. It's so sad because this night is probably one of the last happy memories I have of you before you went to jail for the last time and I never got to see you again. Love you always, Julie-Anne xx
Sep 2 2008 10:48 am
Happy Birthday Brad.
Love Gayle xx
Sep 2 2008 07:58 am
It really makes you feel quite helpless when your kids reach the age when they're drinking and around drugs. You hope they make the best decisions but know that they are not always going to. You know that experimenting with these things is sadly almost a normal part of growing up in todays world. We have been there, have lots of wisdom but they are only going to learn from their own life experiences. All we can do is educate them so that they can make the best decision for them, right or wrong, and love them unconditionally - even if we don't like what they are doing. JA
Sep 2 2008 07:49 am
Happy Birthday Brad. You would be 36 today. Miss you dearly and wishing you were still with us. You're always in our thoughts. Your sister Julie-Anne xx
Aug 12 2008 01:44 pm
Missed you heaps on my birthday Brad. When i seen my cake, I immediately remembered how you ate my whole cake when i was younger, while i was at the Pizza Hut celebrating. We got home and you had the 'munchies' and ate the whole thing. That always brings a smile to my face every birhtday since. (Although the yr it happened I was so upset with you, ha). Missed not getting a card form you.
Hi Gordon, nice to hear form you.
Take care all, miss you Brad.
Eliza xx
Aug 9 2008 03:40 pm
Hi Gordan,
Good to hear from you again. Glad to hear that all is ok with you.
Gayle
Aug 9 2008 01:05 am
hello everyone,it hasbeen a while since a post but been thinking about brad alot lately and thought i best say hello to all and give my love everythings is floating ok for me just now,anyhow take it easy gordon
Jul 23 2008 11:42 am
Brad, friday will be your wedding anniversary. Not sure how many years it would have been now or whether Jen knows about this site but I remember that day like it was yesturday. You were so nervous and we were all so proud of you. You looked good in your suit - even without your front tooth!! I remember how Jen and I hated each other for the first year you were together but how we got closer as time went on and I got used to someone taking you away. Love Always, Julie-Anne xx
Jul 20 2008 04:05 pm
2 years and I miss you or think of you everyday Brad. You will always be in my heart.
Love Gayle xx
Jul 8 2008 07:39 am
Coming up to 2 years soon Brad, wish you were still with us. My heart aches some days when I think about you not being here. Your sister, Julie-Anne xx
May 17 2008 10:09 am
I really missed your card on my birthday Brad. Will just have to read the last one you sent me online in the letters section xx
May 17 2008 10:05 am
Hi Everyone,
Thursday was a really sad day for me. It was my birthday. I am now officially older than my older brother. Life is not meant to work out that way. He never made it to 34 years old. I wanted to forget my birthday, had told people not to make a fuss of it, then thought no-one cared when they didn't. Can't have it both ways I suppose! Thanks to Eliza, Rob, Mum and Dad who knew what I needed. I got Kaye Danes' new book "Families Behind Bars" from Amy, Rebecca, Corey and James. Started reading it on the day of my birhtday. I just feel numb and the impact of it will take a while to sink in. I think it was around $30 and Amy picked it up from Angus & Robinson, just in case anyone interested. I'm just glad he didn't decide to take his addiction overseas. He could have been anyone of the people in the book. I'm grateful for that. Anyway, trying to do some nice stuff for myself to beat this down mood. Have a great day everyone. Julie-Anne xx
May 14 2008 01:51 pm
Hi Julie-Ann
my name is Sue from SA. I am doing a cert 4 in mental health at Tafe and had to do some research on suicide and drugs, so I’m plodding away copying and pasting statistics in Australia, all a bit boring and bla bla..So I decided to surf the net a bit more and came across the FDS website, I seemed to be getting more info as it was written in basic language, Then I came to the memorials , O’h my god these statistic’s have names then going further they have a face, families, friends, hobbies, talents, they are real, they had history. I can not tell you how I felt, my heart sank I felt sad. Your memorial in particular, although sad, it was so totally honest and dignifying towards your brother, I felt like I knew him. Your family seems like a normal family and was brave to reveal so much in regard to Brad’s life due to the stigma in our society of mental illness and addiction. We need more people like you to share these stories so society is not so anal about all this stuff.
So after my evening with Brad on this site, I realised that those statistics although real, arnt really hard hitting, they are just numbers, yet all those numbers were living people and had histories and families etc.
I have to do a presentation on drugs and to my class at Tafe and was wondering how you felt about me using Brad’s story, it only is presented in class and my lecturer will mark it, then comes back to me. I feel presenting a real person’s story rather than a bunch of statistics will give my peers a better insight to the reality of drugs and mental illness ,
I wont bang on any more, and I hope to hear from you soon…..Sue
Apr 20 2008 06:47 pm
Glad you're able to write it down Lize. It is sad about the house but those memories of Brad will last forever. You've got a lot of good times and challenging times back at mum and dads, this time as an adult and living inside the house! I miss it still and am a bit anxious about moving in with Anthony and the kids, all normal I suppose. I think each and every one of us has some doubt, one way or another. I guess we never really know if we make the right decision until after the fact. Feels right though. I wish you had of told me you were moving stuff this weekend, I was organising furniture for the Dandenong Room and we had the trailor on. Before we move is going to be hectic, and probably for a few months after that while we are doing up Anthony's house to rent and moving him. What a job that is going to be! I've been enjoying some quiet time with Amy over the last week, going to miss those times where it is just me and her but we will have to have some activity where we can get that quality time together. I'm proud of you Lize and what you have achieved, and I look forward to you relaxing a little and enjoying it. I know for a fact that you big brother would also proud of you. Remember how he used to say 'shit happens' all the time. I like to add "Shit happens but you don't have to roll in it!!". Love you always Lize, from your big sis Julie-Anne xxoo
Apr 20 2008 06:18 pm
Feels wierd not writting Brad a letter to update him on whats happening in 'my world'. Writting to him was great, id get a lot off my chest and i appreciated his advise.
Feeling a little lost at the moment. Thinking of him enormously.
We moved stuff back into Mum and Dad's this weekend. I guess knowing I'll be living there will bring things back up where Brad is concerned i suppose.
I'm excited but hugely anxious about moving. It's a big thing. We have great memories of the house, it's our first and i look back at all our hope and dreams that we had when we first brought it. Memories of our ups and downs and (over the past fews years) our stuggles. The house is getting emptier and harder to think about. I know we will have another in the future but it still hurts.
I have fond memories of Brad here too, that I feel will be lost when i walk out the front door and someone else steps in our place. Brad used to come here offen (when he was out, ha ha) on his way back from seeing Jen in Frankston. Sometimes id be driving out of our estate and he'd be walking in! I remember when he and Rob walked off one night and they found two bikes out the front of someone's house and they rode to the Cranny RSL and then gave the bikes back on the way home. They got along really well. Good mates.
On a brighter note, I am so excited to be moving back so that I can spend time with mum and dad. Mum and I have great plans of things we will do together. It will be really nice.
Good to get some of my feelings out. Miss u Brad. Eliza xx
Apr 11 2008 04:53 pm
Went to visit you today Brad at Bunurong. Crying less these days, a lot happening. Missing you, Julie-Anne.
Mar 19 2008 11:51 am
I miss you Brad. Mum misses you too. Looking forward to connecting with you on the murray once again. I can't believe it has been 12 months since we scattered your ashes. Your sister, Julie-Anne xx
Mar 12 2008 09:17 am
Thank you Gordon, please feel free to visit any time you have the need. You have been a good friend fo us through these hard times and a loyal friend to Brad when he was alive. We understand that you need to move on and focus on you and your family. I'm sure our paths will cross again. Take Care and all the best for a happy future, Julie-Anne & Family xx
Mar 10 2008 06:10 pm
to everybody that has visited this site had memories of brad, hopefully it has helped them as it has me at times ,reflections of lives and thoughts,family, friends and bonds that have grown over years and also the families or people that never knew Brad his loyal and magnificent family but whos lives have parallelled in some way i say thankyou to Julie-Anne,Bill and Barb, Eliza,Gayle because through your thoughts,this site has helped me look in the rear view,vent some feelings,understand but this will be my last post because i feel this site has got me as far as it can and whilst not forgetting i know i need to go further within my own thoughts to move on and let go.Too many good times to be sour,love to all Gordon xox
